𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗥 𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚: Someone's oversharing online again.

For anyone who knows me, they'll be aware of how out of character this is, but hopefully that makes clear how important the message is. 

Up until January 2024, I didn’t know I had ADHD. The best-known traits—hyperactivity and inattentiveness—didn't resonate. I've always been impulsive but just assumed I was what people told me I was: "energetic", "spontaneous", and "quick to act". These can be good (adapting, thinking creatively) and bad (impulsivity, recklessness).

It took my sister-in-law - a wonderful human and a trained mental health professional - to suggest I do a screening test, which led me down a (very expensive) road of self-discovery.

Looking back on my life with this new lens changed everything:

𝗔𝗻𝘅𝗶𝗲𝘁𝘆/𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 - I went from feeling invincible all my life to suddenly very fragile after experiencing my first panic attack, mostly because I didn't think there was anything I should be panicking about. There's a cruel game that anxiety and ADHD play together in exacerbating each other, and unfortunately the playground is my head. Understanding my "wiring" has been key. There's a reason 1 in 5 people with ADHD attempt suicide, and the average life expectancy is 7-10 years lower than someone who is neurotypical.

𝗥𝗲𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗱𝘆𝘀𝗽𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗮 - Alex Partridge has a great video showing exactly how this feels to someone with ADHD. https://lnkd.in/eDT5sKG9

Also, that poor orange :( I had no idea that ADHD was linked with 𝗲𝘅𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗼𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗽𝗵𝗶𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, but it now makes sense why I was always sad when I saw a used crisp packet tied to a school fence - a horrendous way to have to "live" out it's days. Or a broken pencil, thrown away, never getting to fulfill its purpose. You might laugh, but knowing I'm not the only person who thinks like this is massive.

𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 - If you ask me how long I'll be when getting ready, I'll tell you either 2 minutes or 10. After 39 years, I still have no interest in actually estimating how long it would take me to put on clothes, brush teeth, do hair, get keys/wallet/phone etc. (too many variables). On the other hand, you would want me there at the start of a new project (novelty guarantees 99% of my attention). And that 99%? It is everything: every minute of the day, over and over again.

𝗘𝘅𝗲𝗰𝘂𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝗻𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 - I once read that I should randomly change the hand I brush my teeth with, and alternate my route to work, to prevent being stuck on "default mode". Big mistake. Those sequences were things I didn't have to think about, but suddenly my brain was "grinding". It's hard. If I don't want to do a task (not interesting to me, feels like a chore), then it feels like my brain just shuts down, and the mental effort it takes to actually do the task is unreal.

𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗱𝘆𝘀𝗿𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 - The intensity of emotions can be overwhelming, especially during times of stress or grief. What might be disappointment for someone else can feel like devastation, I re-live every lost opportunity again and again and again. And again.

"𝗦𝘁𝘂𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁" - Now understanding that I need a sense of urgency, like an impending deadline, to get something done, I see the need to take better care of my body. At school, I'd leave homework to the last minute, no matter how big a task - that didn't work so well when my AS-level exam required me to bring along my coursework, which should have been prepared over the past couple of months. I failed. Obviously.

Then you get a job and the stakes increase dramatically, along with the pressure to keep up, the stress of doing so, the shame you carry when you don't, and the ever-present fear of failure driving you forward.

𝗧𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 - Add becoming a father to my life (the most amazing experience ever!), and suddenly I'm a mess, jumping from task to task, without any of the extra processing time that I desperately need, to avoid me looking like I'm not a mess.

With these traits, I wish I'd understood this so much sooner. Maybe then, comments like "why can't you just focus?" or "you'd be so successful if you just applied yourself" wouldn't have cut so deep.

It wouldn't have taken me so long to learn how to hack my productivity.

I could have focused on creating healthy habits early and starting to build mechanisms to protect myself better.

The alternative for me, and for many people, is or has been addiction. Many people with ADHD find ways to stimulate themselves. Even if they don’t know they need stimulation, their body demands it.

When you're low on dopamine, it's easy to create the wrong, easy connections to source this (social media, alcohol, drugs, porn), But it’s not sustainable. It kills us.

Doing nothing isn't an option anymore. The technology we need to make a significant difference in society is already here - Alex Stephany and Beam have already proven this with the phenomenal work that they have done for the homeless community, and beyond.

That's what Propel is all about.

We're building something different.

Including medication, which for me didn't work but for many is life changing, my diagnosis and treatment cost ~£4,000. The first thing we have done at Propel is provide a non-diagnostic route:

For £354, you'll have your results from two assessments, reviewed by a clinician, providing you with possible pathways.

For many, that knowledge that they have a high likelihood of ADHD is probably enough to get them started on the right journey. If you want to try medication, then you'll need to meet with a clinician for a full diagnosis - if you've already done the enhanced screening, you'll only pay the difference.

Our vision is to bring everything together for those who need it most - partnering with ADHD coaching, therapy, counselling, health and wellbeing providers, and more.

But we have to start somewhere, and today, that's:

www.propelclinics.com

Maybe you display symptoms, and you've been planning to look into it further when the time is right. Or perhaps you know someone who is. If any of this post resonates with you, please share it to help others.

There are services that can help. 

There are apps that can help. 

There are people who care deeply, many of whom struggled for a long time themselves, and still do.

What we need now more than ever is a community, and real connection. 

So that's what we've started building at Propel.

NB. If you know me, and the description of me above doesn’t sound familiar, it’s because I’ve been masking. HARD.